Florida Republican says standardized tests make you gay

MOM: How’d the test go, Timmy?

SON: Gay.

Is there a GOP study guide they pass out in crazy-land, because I’d love to read it some day.  The things these folks come up with.  A Florida Republican lawmaker, Charles Van Zant, as part of his larger opposition to “Common Core,” has determined that standardized testing can turn children gay.

You’ll be glad to know that the state’s education commissioner has denied that standardized tests make you want to marry a gay.

The state lawmaker is named Charles Van Zant, and here’s what he had to say about AIR, the company that will be doing the statewide testing:

“Our new secretary of education in Florida recently appointed AIR to receive the $220 million contract for end-of-course exam testing and to prepare those tests. Please — go on their website. Click the link to what they are doing with youth, and you will see what their agenda really is. They are promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda and even name it 2-S, which they define as having two spirits. The Bible says a lot about being double-minded.

GOP Florida lawmaker Charles Van Zant thinks standardized tests turn kids gay.

GOP Florida lawmaker Charles Van Zant thinks standardized tests turn kids gay.

“These people that will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida, unless this is stopped, will promote double mindedness in state education, and attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. I’m sorry to report that to you. … I really hate to bring you that news, but you need to know.”

And here’s the video (h/t ThinkProgress):

And you have to love Politifact, one of the two main fact-checking sites for politics.  They not only investigated the testing-will-make-your-kids-gay claim and gave it a “Pants on Fire!”, but they also investigated the claim that you can change someone’s sexual orientation!

For the record, Politifact rates as “False” the notion that you can from straight to gay, or the other way around:

Scientists don’t doubt that it’s possible for someone who’s gay to choose, through sheer willpower, to ignore their impulses and abstain from homosexual activity. Both gay and straight people have been going celibate by choice since time immemorial. But scientists add that for such people, sexual impulses don’t go away.

So, scientists argue, even if sexual behavior is a choice, sexual orientation — the state of being gay, and the impulses one feels — is not a choice….

Pawlenty said that scientists are “in dispute” about whether being gay is a choice or not. We think most people would interpret that to mean sexual orientation — that is, attractions and impulses — rather than sexual behavior. And on that question, it seems that the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the Human Rights Campaign and even the Family Research Council are in agreement. So we rate Pawlenty’s statement False.

Sometimes I wonder about people who think it’s so easy to become gay, who think that “there but for the grace of God go I” people end up gay.  It makes me wonder what’s actually going on inside their heads.  If makes me wonder if they aren’t really gay themselves. (Don’t worry, Charles, you only like boys because of that F you got in trig!)

It reminds me of the “love the sinner, hate the sin” distinction.  It’s an awfully convenient way to explain away your own gayness, turning it into some kind of behavior that, in essence, we all have yearnings for, but some of us are just Christian enough to avoid the temptation. It means the temptation is there. And it means you’re kinda gay, kinda bi, or at the very least kinda curious.

No word yet on what turns so many (southern) Republicans dumb.

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56 Responses to “Florida Republican says standardized tests make you gay”

  1. MeganLinefyl321 says:

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  2. Aquaria says:

    Well, standard hammers do have a sharp end.

    Which is more than one could say for the republicants.

  3. Aquaria says:

    But… Hasn’t it been the GOP that’s been all hot for standardized testing all these years?

  4. BillFromDover says:

    I just asked my wife what degree of hetro she believed she was.

    She gave me a roundhouse straight to the nose.

    Where can I take this test as I’m tired of this shit?

  5. BillFromDover says:

    Are you hitting on me, Billy?

  6. bpollen says:

    I R a Krischun, an eye doan waana bee gaye, sew I nevor wint too skool… an I em bedder 4 itt, preys Cheeses!

  7. Bill says:

    “… attract… to become homosexual as they possibly can.” Speaks to intent. But it isn’t saying a standardized test has the power to make you gay. His statement is narrow-minded as it is. But to deliberately misquote him means losing the higher ground. It’s not worth going there. I like your name too.

  8. BillFromDover says:

    How do you interpret this:

    “These people that will now receive $220 million from the state of
    Florida, unless this is stopped, will promote double mindedness in state
    education, and attract every one of your children to become as
    homosexual as they possibly can. I’m sorry to report that to you. … I
    really hate to bring you that news, but you need to know.”

    BTW, I like your name.

  9. BillFromDover says:

    Nah, the problem is conceding that conservatives have more intelligence than hammers.

    On the other hand, is there a difference between a nail and your average bagger voter?

  10. BillFromDover says:

    I believe equating the Bible with intelligence is your 1st mistake, Jom.

    Not to mention that Alexander the Great was so wimpish that he rode not even one motherfucking elephant over one motherfucking mountain.

    Enough is enough!

  11. BillFromDover says:

    Perhaps God made then in his own image?

  12. BillFromDover says:

    Obviously, you’ve been influenced by the wall of peni:


  13. BillFromDover says:

    Every time I fill in a circle on one of these exams, the only thing I can think of is a bugger-hole.

    Who the fuck cares whether the answer is correct when tested with a boner?

  14. Bill says:

    I am very much an advocate of gay rights. But the Florida Republican did not say “Standardized tests make you gay.” The headline is a lie which, morally speaking, is worse than the republican’s ignorance.

  15. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    I guess it won’t be long until we hear about guys having their brains tested out.

  16. dcinsider says:

    That fuc%ing SAT made me gay. I thought I was born like this, but now I remember, filling in those dots in the shape of a penis.

  17. lynchie says:

    Between a man and a woman because assholes like him would not allow anything else.

  18. Butch1 says:

    I like multiple choice. ;-)

  19. Butch1 says:

    The man’s an idiot!

  20. 4th Turning says:

    Here’s what you get with 120+ IQ scores. (You can probably cross Australia off your
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    Views on marriage and evolution[edit]
    Carson described his opposition to same-sex marriage on Hannity, saying: “Marriage is between a man and a woman. No group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality, it doesn’t matter what they are. They don’t get to change the definition.”[37] Carson’s comments drew criticism for apparently lumping together gays with pedophiles and practitioners of bestiality, and a group of Hopkins students circulated a petition asking that Carson be replaced as the university’s commencement speaker.[37][38]

    Carson told MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell that his comments were “completely taken out of context and completely misunderstood,” and also asserted on CNN’s “The Situation Room” that he loves all people, whether gay or straight.[37] Carson withdrew as Hopkins’s commencement speaker and apologized for the remarks, saying that “the examples were not the best choice of words, and I certainly apologize if I offended anyone,” adding that the Bible “says we have an obligation to love our fellow man as ourselves, and I love everybody the same—all homosexuals.”[38][39] Carson also said, “I certainly believe gay people should have all the rights anyone else has. I was trying to say that as far as marriage was concerned, it has traditionally been between a man and a woman and no one should be able to change that.”


  21. 4th Turning says:

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  22. 4th Turning says:

    But 2010 was also the year that the four Florida counties — Monroe, Palm Beach, Miami-Dade and Broward — joined together to take addressing sea level rise into their own hands. The counties are working to get the state to pay attention to sea level rise, but until it does, South Florida is wasting no time in finding solutions.

    “What I think people are missing is the story of the compact and what people are actually doing,” said Steve Adams, Director of the U.S. Climate Adaptation Program at the Institute for Sustainable Communities and a native Floridian who helped develop the idea for the compact. “Particularly at a moment when we’re all watching Congress with great dismay — we feel like we’re ungovernable at the federal level — we’re seeing this moment a group of local state and federal agency staff able to work together in a remarkably powerful way. The partisan differences in South Florida just don’t much matter.”


  23. vickif says:

    Then they should explain how i have one gay son and one straight son. They went to the same schools and had most of the same classes. They took the same tests when they were in school. Why don’t they check with families who have multiple children who took these tests?

  24. jomicur says:

    It is a proven, easily verifiable fact that Common Core made Alexander the Great turn gay. Michelangelo was 100% straight until his school made him take a standardized test. And Frederick the Great? Completely hetero till the day he took the SAT. These are facts. It says so in the Bible. How could anyone intelligent doubt it?

  25. kevinbenett says:

    This kind of ignorance is the hallmark of the Republican Party, wow, but then again its the South, so we shouldn’t be surprised. I think the man is just plain dumb.

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  27. tasteless chap says:

    Is THAT how I got gay? All those standardized tests I had to take in California back in the 80’s and 90’s? Mystery solved! Thanks, bigoted FL douche.

  28. TheOriginalLiz says:

    How soon will climate change drown Florida?

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  30. goulo says:

    That’s why it’s such an insidious threat!
    The one-way process is irreversible!
    The damage cannot be undone!


    (To avoid confusion & Poe’s Law… that was sarcasm, just mocking Van Zant’s ridiculous claims.)

  31. The_Fixer says:

    Oh, where to begin.

    It occurs to me that guys like Charles Van Zant may not be as dumb as we think, but rather, know how to talk to their base, reinforce their fears, and assure themselves of a job. They do that by reinforcing a personal bias by advancing the uneducated person’s agenda.

    Keeping people uneducated is the goal. You can fill them full of any kind of bullshit that way, and you can continue fleecing them as long as you have a convenient distraction. “The Other” (whether that person is gay or a member of some other minority) is a convenient distraction – they are different and not to be trusted. It’s a “circling of the wagons” to keep out that which they fear.

    On it’s face, what this guy is saying is completely ridiculous, of course. But there’s a reason that he is saying it. To keep his constituents dumb and himself employed.

  32. pricknick says:

    And the dumbing down of the gene pool continues unabated.

  33. AnitaMann says:

    But probably smarter than many who voted for him. The problem is in the voting population.

  34. BeccaM says:

    The man is dumb as a bag of hammers and not half as useful.

  35. 2patricius2 says:

    It was the standardized tests I took in grade school that turned me gay, I’m sure. They didn’t call them standardized tests back then, and I’m not sure what they measured. Maybe they were a little like mini ACT or SAT tests. I think we took two sets of them in a couple grades.

  36. pappyvet says:

    Oh don’t worry about that Beautiful. Don’t you know that the Bachmanns can cure “the Gay.” Of course you’ll have to spend time with Michelle’s wife. Bad for you but she could sure use some tips on how to dress. ;}

  37. pappyvet says:

    abso flogging lutely

  38. bkmn says:

    Can Van Zant find someone who can write a test that will convert a gay person to straight?

    Doubt it.

  39. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    I’m certain that’s what did it.

  40. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    Just be certain that your No.2 pencil is covered with latex.

  41. BillFromDover says:

    From New England, my gaydar detector (pointed to the southwest) picks up no pings.

    And I know where you are; in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north… somewhat.

    What am I missing here?

  42. BillFromDover says:

    Queer is a near beer
    Take me to your nearest tap
    Play it again, Sam.

  43. Indigo says:

    Your Florida voters democratically elected this clown to represent them, the only thing missing is the clown makeup. And in 2016, if you’re lucky, they’ll throw their votes behind the Jebster. He’s going to be the edu(ma)cation president. Settle in, folks, it could happen.

  44. heimaey says:

    Well it’s like how many beers queer are you? Are you a three or four beer queer? I think he means basically a no beer queer.

  45. heimaey says:

    This weekend I can’t wait to go to some gay bars and take some standardized tests. I’m gonna take so many tests. Me and my other spirit, that is.

  46. BillFromDover says:

    “to become as homosexual as they possibly can.”

    Can anyone explain to me how many degrees of homosexuality exist?

    Is this like being partly afflicted with the pregs?

  47. cole3244 says:

    whats really sad is not only are idiots like this abhorrent but there are people who vote just like him in america who believe and love this kind of thinking.

  48. Cletus says:

    It starts innocently enough with teaching kids about the Pantone Color Chart in art class and quickly devolves into buggering in the showers after a frisky game of dodge ball…

  49. 2karmanot says:

    It’s an age old question: Are folks like Chucky born assh*les or is it a choice.

  50. pappyvet says:

    Sorry Chucky. I don’t know of anyone who “became” gay. Or who “became” bi. Or who “became” white or black. But using people like you as a guide , I have discovered many who have become hateful and stupid.

  51. I think that question made me gay.

  52. bkmn says:

    Once again the Republican party benefits from underfunding public education.

  53. pappyvet says:

    120 ! That’s being optimistic Elijah. ;]

  54. Jimmy says:

    The GOP never runs low on dumb asses. The truly sad part is there are people who will agree with him.

  55. Elijah Shalis says:

    I am wondering whether it is worth my time and energy to spend the rest of my life in this backwards country or whether I should move to Canada which is nearly impossible to do. These backwards ignorant thinkers somehow get rich and get in power. Something has to be done to stop this. I recommend IQ tests for all government officials with a min score of 120 required.

  56. BillFromDover says:

    True of false:

    Charles Van Zant is loonier than a loon?

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