Josh Duggar posts apology for infidelity, edits it to remove references to porn and molestation

It didn’t take long for Josh Duggar to apologize for being a cheating hypocrite after Gawker reported that he had signed up for not one but two accounts on the extramarital affair site, Ashley Madison, to look for women who are not his wife to have decidedly un-Christian sexy times with him.

Duggar’s apology led off by blaming the whole thing on porn, which is apparently more addictive than heroin that led him to cheat on his wife, Anna:

duggar apology

 

Well, at least that was the first version. Those lines about porn and Josh’s “actions that happened when I was 14-15 years old”? Yeah, they’re gone now; vanished into the depths of the Internet…and all of the screenshots the Internet took while they were live. The statement that currently appears on the Duggar Family’s website is much shorter, removing the references to porn and molestation:

Now, all that’s left is the admission that he’s a hypocritical toad who was unfaithful to his wife and has lost all claim to moral authority, which, in fairness, is what he’s supposed to be apologizing for in the first place. And at least he didn’t claim, like he did when he apologized for molesting his sisters, that he’s back on the straight and narrow forever and ever, amen. Because as we now know, that claim was completely false.

Josh Duggar, screenshot via YouTube

Josh Duggar, screenshot via YouTube

But seriously, do the Duggars not know how the Internet works, or that screenshots are things that exist? And what kind of message do they think they’re sending by retracting their reminder that Josh Duggar was a hypocritical pile of patriarchal shame before last night’s news broke?

In any case, at least we can take heart in seeing the Duggars sorta-kinda admit that porn has precisely nothing to do with why Josh Duggar is being publicly shamed for signing up for a cheating site. And we can throw up a bit in our mouths after seeing the Duggars realize that being too conciliatory over Josh’s molestation might make this round of damage control a bit harder for them.

And one thing’s for damn sure: It is awkward. as. hell. in the Duggar household right now.

UPDATE: Thanks, Twitter. Here are all three versions of the apology, with changes underscored:


Jon Green graduated from Kenyon College with a B.A. in Political Science and high honors in Political Cognition. He worked as a field organizer for Congressman Tom Perriello in 2010 and a Regional Field Director for President Obama's re-election campaign in 2012. Jon writes on a number of topics, but pays especially close attention to elections, religion and political cognition. Follow him on Twitter at @_Jon_Green, and on Google+. .

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29 Responses to “Josh Duggar posts apology for infidelity, edits it to remove references to porn and molestation”

  1. cinorjer says:

    You’d think by now the Duggars would have a set rule that nobody opens their mouth in front of a camera or types anything on the internet without sending it through their agent first for vetting. Of course they have an agent. They’re in show business. Unless whoever the agent is decided it was a lost cause and quit about the time TLC decided the same thing.

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  3. 2karmanot says:

    Ah, Ahhhhh…..sigh

  4. 2karmanot says:

    Dr, Marcus is available.

  5. Gigi says:

    That’s what I had to do to survive was break away from my toxic family. It might be harder for Josh because of the cult-like upbrining he had. And if he never truly acknowledges the crimes that he’s committed (saying “I touched them above their clothes…it was not big deal…they weren’t even awake…” isn’t helpful) then he’ll never be well.

  6. gratuitous says:

    That’s the root of it, isn’t it? I would hope that Josh gets into counseling (and not the “counseling” with a non-professional with impeccable god-bothering credentials so favored by cults) to come to terms with his upbringing and its ongoing influence on him.

    His children are bound for the same hell on earth that he’s in if he doesn’t make a break from his demented parents.

  7. Indigo says:

    I can’t believe I read the whole thing.

  8. SkippyFlipjack says:

    Another virtuous, mentally healthy product of abstinence education.

  9. SkippyFlipjack says:

    That’s sort of awesome. I wonder who went to him and said “dude! erase the porn addiction, man! what the eff are you doing!?!”

  10. The_Fixer says:

    Wouldn’t it be great if the fame clock was sitting at 14:59? Too much to ask for, I know. Somehow I think we may hear even more about this crackpot bunch of hypocrites whether we want to or not.

  11. Gigi says:

    And quite possibly the victim of childhood sexual abuse himself.

  12. Gigi says:

    I actually feel for Josh. What did his parents do to him to turn him into the perv/pedo he is today?

  13. nicho says:

    Note to Mike Huckabee. As the nuns used to tell us, “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you what you are.”

  14. BeccaM says:

    So here’s something else I want to know: Are any fine, upstanding Christian businesses with “sincerely held beliefs” about morality going to refuse to serve Josh Duggar? Because according to the usual protestations, we all know the act of selling someone flowers or a cake or letting them stay at your B&B means you approve of their ‘lifestyle,’ right?

  15. DoverBill says:

    I read somewhere that us guys have something like five times the terms for this salacious act than your side does.

    Is this just another form of gender discrimination?

  16. BeccaM says:

    Some of those are a real hoot.

  17. DoverBill says:

    “idle hands are the devils playthings.”

    Here’s what I Duggared up on idle playthings:

    Abusing the wicked stick

    Adjusting the antenna

    Aiding and abetting a known felon

    Applying the hand brake

    Arguing with Henry Longfellow

    Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel

    Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior

    Audition your hand puppet

    Backstroke roulette

    Badgering the witness

    Barking up the wrong tree

    Bash the candle

    Basting the ham

    Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger

    Being rough with the sex stick

    Be your own best friend

    Beat the bishop

    Beat the bologna

    Beat the dummy

    Beat the meat

    Beat the pud

    Beat the stick

    Beat up your date

    Beef tips stroking off

    Bleed the weed

    Blow your own horn

    Bludgeon the beefsteak

    Bop the bologna

    Bop the bonzo

    Box the Jesuit

    Box with Richard

    Brushing up on your typing skills

    Buff the banana

    Bugger your hand

    Building upper-body strength

    Burp the baby

    Burp the worm

    Butter the corn

    Calling down for more mayo

    Calling in the secret service

    Caning the vandal

    Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile

    Charm the snake

    Check for testicular cancer

    Cheese off

    Choke Kojak

    Choke the chicken

    Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come

    Clamp the pipe

    Clean your rifle

    Cleaning out your account

    Clear the snorkel

    Climb the tree

    Closet Frisbee

    Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally

    Combing your hair

    Communing with nature

    Consulting with your silent partner

    Corral your tadpole

    Couch hockey for one

    Crank the love pump

    Crank the shank

    Crimp the wire

    Crown the king

    Crushing pop cans in the dark

    Cuddle the kielbasa

    Cuff the carrot

    Daisy-chaining

    Dancing in the dragon’s fiery breath

    Dancing with the one-eyed sailor

    Date Miss Michigan

    Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters

    Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters

    Debugging the hard drive

    Defrosting the fridge

    Digital penile oscillation

    Discovering your own potential

    Distributing free literature

    Do handiwork

    Do it your way

    Do the janitor thing

    Do the white knuckler

    Doing your homework

    Drain the monster

    Dry humping the ottoman

    Eating grapes with the one-armed man

    Electing the President

    Engage in safe sex

    Exercise one’s right

    Exercising your right to privacy

    Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love

    Feed the ducks

    Feeding bologna to the Smurfs

    Feeling your way around

    Fiddle the flesh flute

    Firing the pound gun

    Fishing with dynamite

    Fist your mister

    Five knuckle shuffle

    Flick your Bic

    Fling your phallus

    Flip the bishop

    Flipping your omelet

    Flog the bishop

    Flog the dolphin

    Flog the dong

    Flog the log

    Flog the mule

    Flogging the egg man

    Fly fishing

    Fondle your flagpole

    Free Willy

    Frost the pastries

    Frosting your maple bar

    Frying up the corndog

    Gallop the old lizard

    Gardening with the golden trowel

    Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion

    Get a date with Slick Mittens

    Get the German soldier marching

    Get to know yourself

    Get your pole varnished

    Give it a tug

    Give your low five

    Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money

    Go a couple of rounds with ol’ Josh

    Go blind

    Go on a date with Fisty Palmer

    Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela

    Go the blow

    Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader’s head
    Submitted by Jake W.

    Goose the gherkin

    Grease the pipe

    Greasing the three-legged cow

    Hand job

    Hard labor

    Have one off the wrist

    Helping put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college

    Hitchhike to heaven

    Hitchhike underneath the big top

    Hitting too close to home

    Hoisting your own petard

    Hold the bishop

    Hold the sausage hostage

    Holding your own

    Hone the cone

    Honk your horn

    Hosing down the driveway

    Hotfooting it to the nearest exit

    Hug the hog

    Hump your hose

    Investing in pork bellies

    Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell

    Jack hammer

    Jazz yourself

    Jerk Jamby

    Jerk the gherkin

    Left to your own devices

    Letting the cat out of the bag

    Liquidating the inventory

    Locking the bathroom door

    Look for ticks

    Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne

    Lope the mule

    Love the Muppet

    Love’s labors lost

    Lubricating the love monkey

    Make a foreskin cone

    Make instant pudding

    Make the bald man puke

    Making a cash withdrawal

    Making chowder with sailor Ned

    Making it up as you go along

    Making magic with leftovers

    Making soup

    Making the bald man cry

    Making the bread rise

    Making the world safe for democracy

    Mangle the midget

    Manipulate the mango

    Manual labor

    Manual override

    Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock

    Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters

    Milk the lizard

    Milk the moose

    Milk the self

    Mount a corporal and four

    Much goo about nothing

    Nerk your throbber

    Null the void

    Oil the glove

    Onan’s olympics

    One gun salute

    One man band

    One-night-stand with yourself

    Opening the flood gates

    Pack your palm

    Paddle the pickle

    Paint the ceiling

    Paint the pickle

    Painting the flag pole

    Painting the picket fence

    Palm the calm

    Paying at the turnpike

    Peel the banana

    Perform diagnostics on your man tool

    Pet the lizard

    Pip the pumpkin

    Play a little five-on-one

    Play a one-stringed guitar

    Play five against one

    Play in a one-man show

    Play peek-a-boo

    Play pocket pinball

    Play pocket pool

    Play tag with the pink torpedo

    Play the skin flute

    Play tug-o-war with Cyclops

    Play Uno

    Playing it safe

    Playing the one-stringed melody

    Playing the single-string air guitar

    Plugging in the toaster

    Plunk your twanger

    Polish Percy in your palm

    Polish the family jewels

    Polish the helmet

    Polish the rocket

    Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter

    Polish the sword

    Pound off

    Pound the bald-headed moose

    Pound the pud

    Pound your flounder

    Pounding the fence post

    Prepare the carrot

    Prime the pump

    Pull rank

    Pull the bologna pony

    Pull the carrot

    Pull the goalie

    Pull the pole

    Pull the Pope

    Pull the pud

    Pull your own leg

    Pull your taffy

    Pulling your own weight

    Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap

    Pump the python

    Pump the stump

    Punch the clown

    Punch the munchkin

    Punish Percy in your palm

    Putting your best foot forward

    Putting your foot down

    Putting your thumb in the porridge

    Raining on your parade

    Ram the ham

    Relishing your hot dog

    Riding the five-legged pony

    Roll your own

    Rolling it off the lot

    Romeo and himself

    Rope the pony

    Rope the Pope

    Rub one out

    Rub the pink eraser

    Rubbing Buddha’s tummy

    Run off a batch by hand

    Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights

    Safest sex

    Sailing the mayonnaise seas

    Saluting the general

    Sampling the secret sauce

    Sand wood

    Scour the tower of power

    Scraping the bottom of the barrel

    Scratch the itch

    Screwing your courage to the sticking place

    Secret handshake

    Self abuse

    Self-induced penile regurgitation

    Sex with someone you really love

    Shake hands with Abe Lincoln

    Shake hands with the midget

    Shake hands with the unemployed

    Shake hands with your John Thomas

    Shake hands with your wife’s best friend

    Shake hands with Yul Brynner

    Shake the sauce

    Shake the sausage

    Shake the snake

    Shaking hands with Dr. Winky

    Shellac the shillelagh

    Shemp the hog

    Shift gears

    Shine the helmet

    Shine your pole

    Shoot for the moon

    Shoot putty at the moon

    Shoot the airplane

    Shooting yourself in the foot

    Shuck your corn

    Sizing things up

    Slam the ham

    Slam the salami

    Slam the salmon

    Slam the Spam

    Slap high fives with Yul Brynner

    Slap it

    Slap pappy

    Slap the carrot

    Slap the clown

    Slap the donkey

    Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol

    Slap the salami

    Slapping Johnny on the back

    Sling the jelly

    Smack the salami

    Smiting the pink knight

    Snap the monkey

    Snap the rubber

    Snap the whip

    Solo flight

    Solo marathon

    Solo sex

    Spank Elvis

    Spank the bishop

    Spank the frank

    Spank the monkey

    Spank the salami

    Spank the wank

    Spanking the rooster

    Spending your Christmas bonus

    Squeeze the cheese

    Squeeze the juice

    Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube

    Squeeze your cheese-dog

    Squeezing the happy lumberjack

    Stewing in your own juices

    Stinky pinky

    Stir the batter

    Stir the yogurt

    Strain the main vein

    Straining your cabbage

    Stretching the truth

    Strip-mining with the spaghetti man

    Stroke the carrot

    Stroke the mole

    Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko

    Stroke the satin-headed serpent

    Stroke your poker

    Stroke your Twinkie

    Strumming the one-string harp

    Take matters into your own hands

    Take part in population control

    Take the fifth

    Take the monster for a one-armed ride

    Taking a few practice shots

    Taking a load off

    Talk quietly to yourself

    Tame the shrew

    Taunt the one-eyed weasel

    Teaching the Cyclops the lambada

    Tease the weenie

    Tenderize the tube steak

    Tending to your own affairs

    Test your batteries

    That crazy hand jive

    Thrash your thing

    Thump the pump

    Thump your thong

    Tickle the ivory

    Tickle the pickle

    Tickle the taco

    Ticklewigglejigglepickle

    Tipping off the inspector

    Toss the snag

    Toss the turkey

    Toss yogurt

    Tug the slug

    Twang the wire

    Tweak your Twinkie

    Twist your crank

    Unleashing the alabaster yak

    Unloading the gun

    Unpacking the moving van

    Varnish the flagpole

    Varnishing the banister

    Visiting with Papa Smurf

    Wake the dead

    Walk the dog

    Walk the plank

    Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly’s shoes

    Wallowing in self pity

    Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel

    Wash the meat

    Wax the Buick

    Wax the carrot

    Wax the dolphin

    Waxin’ n’ Milkin’

    Whack it

    Whack the weasel

    Whack Willy

    Whip the dummy

    Whip the one-eyed trouser snake

    Whip the one-eyed worm

    Whip the rat

    Whip the stiff

    Whip the wire

    Whip up some sour cream

    Whip your dripper

    Whitewashing with Huck and Tom

    Whittle the stick

    Wiggling your walrus

    Windsurf on Mount Baldy

    Wonk your conker

    Work things out

    Working at your own speed

    Working late at the office

    Working up a foamy lather

    Working without Annette

    Wrestle the dragon

    Wrestle the eel

    Wrestling with the bald champ

    Wring out your rope

    Wrist aerobics

    Yank the crank

    Yank the yo-yo

    Yank your plank

    Then again, if you’re famous for being famous and can afford a professional hand?

  18. BeccaM says:

    Why, yes. Yes, I am. Probably anyway, depends on which one of the many ‘older Duggar boys’ this account is talking about:

    My cousins husband used to work at the Duggar production as well. He has
    many, many, stories about this family, but one that particularly
    strikes me as terrible is when one of the older Duggar Boys was caught
    playing with himself. He said that one of his brothers had told on him
    for being in the bathroom for a few hours one night, worried that he was
    sick. Well to see if he really was, Jim Bob walked in. He caught him
    doing it, and on one of the day’s the cameras were filming. Jim bobs
    screams made the crew run to where they were filming. Immediately they
    asked him what was wrong. All Jim Could reply was “idle hands are the
    devils playthings.” Apparently, the whole next day he was supposed to do
    chores around the house. But, Jim Bob had tied his hands together so
    that doing anything was nearly impossible. …

    http://defamer.gawker.com/jim-bobs-punishment-for-masturbators-crazy-duggar-tale-1707675683

  19. DoverBill says:

    Are you suggesting -Thor forbid – masturbation?

    Why settle for one of life’s little pleasures when other fantasies are available… for a price, of course?

  20. Baal says:

    Is Huckabee also on that site?

  21. BeccaM says:

    And his name is Josh Duggar.

  22. DoverBill says:

    Why not just admit the truth: “The devil got in my pants”?

  23. BeccaM says:

    His (and his family’s) anti-LGBT bigotry being more manifestations of the same underlying pathology.

    He actually had the nerve to claim he’d been ‘fighting immorality in this country’ — when in fact the only thing he’d been doing was lobbying against gay rights and marriage equality as the Executive Director for the SPLC-identified hate organization, the Family Research Council (sic, cubed).

    http://thinkprogress.org/culture/2015/05/21/3661984/9-times-josh-duggar-lectured-people-family-values-admitted-child-molester/

  24. BeccaM says:

    Hell no. They go through a brief period of public contrition, then claim they spoke personally with Jeebus, who forgave them for every terrible thing they did. And with these freaks, they get their victims to publicly forgive ’em, too.

    After short hiatus of relative anonymity, they’re back to working the fundamentalist/conservative grift just like before.

  25. MoonDragon says:

    Not to mention puke inducing.

  26. MoonDragon says:

    Porn addiction did not make Josh Duggar do anything. He’s a sex obsessed (a possible disorder exacerbated by denial and suppression of normal, if above average, drives) self-satisfied twerp who sees his own gratification as paramount. His porn addiction is a single manifestation of his underlying pathology.

  27. nicho says:

    What is he still doing in public? I thought men like that shot themselves.

  28. BeccaM says:

    I noticed in particular whenever Duggar (or his mom, if she actually wrote the thing) got close to admitting an actual wrong, the statement slips into generalities and a passive sentence construction. “I became unfaithful to my wife” — not “I cheated on my wife.” “I brought hurt to my family” not “I hurt my family.” “…my actions that happened when I was 14-15 years old”, and so on.

    BTW, blaming a porn addiction appears to be a common go-to for the Duggars and their pervy son. Back before it was revealed that Josh had been fingerbanging his sisters and a visiting girl, the commonly circulated public excuse for his ‘rehab’ was it’d been for porn.

    http://defamer.gawker.com/jim-bobs-punishment-for-masturbators-crazy-duggar-tale-1707675683

    The more we learn about Josh and his entire family, the more it’s obvious they’re a complete freak show. Oh, and now the ‘Joe Smithson’ alias and associated gmail address became public, apparently Josh has been using it for a very long time. Radar Online has the dirt.

    http://radaronline.com/celebrity-news/josh-duggar-cheating-scandal-friends-arkansas-strippers-facebook/

    According to the profile, ‘Smithson’ created his alter ego in 2004. Which would have been one year after his supposed ‘rehabilitation’ for unindicted acts of statutory sexual assault.

    “Smithson” (on his FB page) is friends with 32 women, mostly attractive and young, and
    from the area of Arkansas where he lived before leaving for a political career in Washington, DC.

    He’s also a follower of a dancer at Sensations Gentleman’s Club in Arkansas, a lingerie model, and a curvy blonde blogger.

    According to the profile, Smithson was active on the site as recently as January 2014, one year after Duggar began working with the Family Research Council.

  29. 2karmanot says:

    Josh Duggar——-Fifteen minutes of skin crawling fame.

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