Chris Kluwe destroys Houston Texans owner over anti-HERO donation

Chris Kluwe, former punter for the Minnesota Vikings and, to quote John Aravosis, “gay America’s favorite straight guy,” is out with a new open letter to Houston Texans owner Bob McNair. McNair made headlines earlier this week when it was reported that he donated $10,000 to the campaign against the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance (HERO) — the same folks who are running a bathroom rape-themed campaign in the name of protecting the right to discriminate in the city.

In familiar fashion, Kluwe’s letter is a masterpiece:

Chris Kluwe by Joe Bielawa.

Chris Kluwe by Joe Bielawa / Flickr 

It was with some puzzlement that I read the recent story about your donation to a political group opposing the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance (“HERO”), a measure seeking to protect Houstonians from sexual orientation and gender identity-based discrimination.

“Surely,” I said to myself, “one of the NFL’s thirty-two owners, businessmen with more accumulated wealth than most third world nations and completely vested in the well-being of the society that afforded them such success … surely this man could not be a pants-on-head, cowhumping glue-huffer stupid enough to buy in on clearly outdated ideals of bigotry and intolerance?”

Sadly, however, it appears I must hide my livestock, because the facts do not lie. You have, indeed, donated $10,000 to a cause whose sole purpose is to denigrate a specific group of American citizens. Which begs the question — WHY?

You’ve really got to hop over to The Cauldron, a blog run by Sports Illustrated, to read the rest of the complete and utter (and semi-NSFW) takedown:

You may not have heard, but the NFL has been working really hard to clean up its image with regards to LBGT issues; what with the whole Michael Sam draft fiasco, my experiences in Minnesota, and the fact that no player feels comfortable enough to come out as openly gay despite the league having over 1800 individuals at any given time.

Yet here you are, inexplicably spraying a whirlwind of fecal chunks all over the league’s PR efforts like an incontinent water buffalo after an ex-lax smoothie.

As I wrote yesterday, HERO was approved by a solid 12-5 majority of the city’s legislature, and remains popular with its residents. The only question is whether, over the course of the next week, Evangelicals can scare enough of their rank-and-file into believing that if they don’t vote no on the referendum, their daughters will all get raped. And every time “pants-on-head, cowhumping glue-huffer stupid” public figures like Bob McNair donate five figures to that cause, they put the law’s passage that much more in question.

Good on Chris Kluwe for the call out.


Jon Green graduated from Kenyon College with a B.A. in Political Science and high honors in Political Cognition. He worked as a field organizer for Congressman Tom Perriello in 2010 and a Regional Field Director for President Obama's re-election campaign in 2012. Jon writes on a number of topics, but pays especially close attention to elections, religion and political cognition. Follow him on Twitter at @_Jon_Green, and on Google+. .

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10 Responses to “Chris Kluwe destroys Houston Texans owner over anti-HERO donation”

  1. 2karmanot says:

    pppppfffffttttt

  2. gratuitous says:

    Of course the check was sent. That’s what prompted the letter. You think Kluwe would have written his letter to Owner Cowhumper if the check hadn’t been sent? It also draws a whole lot of attention to Mr. Cowhumper, attention that he might not want.

    Or do you think Kluwe should have broken into the group’s mailbox and torn up Cowhumper’s check before it could be cashed?

  3. Indigo says:

    Great!

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  5. Ron Robertson says:

    Well aren’t you just a blossom of cynicism. Probably one of the least useful traits a person could have.

  6. Patrick Winter says:

    Usual Fail. Check was sent. Kluwe just looking for some attention as he is wont to do.

  7. MoonDragon says:

    I am in awe of his balls, language skills, and creativity.

  8. dcinsider says:

    Fantastic.

  9. BeccaM says:

    Chris Kluwe appears to be trying to give the Rude Pundit a run for his money. Beautiful take-down.

  10. That’s possibly the most fabulous takedown anyone could have written, especially the water buffalo line. ROFL!

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